No slacking off, shithead

I have been slack. There’s no doubt in my mind that I haven’t worked as hard as I could have, I haven’t made the best food choices, I haven’t gotten enough sleep.

I need to not do that.

I need to make sure I don’t lose focus.

Why have I gotten off of track, you ask? Well, there have been a number of things that have contributed to it, but ultimately, it’s all me. I’ve been slack.

The fitness class that I had been attending has ended for the summer and I haven’t found a replacement exercise.

My walking partner needed to stop walking with me and I lost motivation to go on my own.

The early-morning cycling at the gym was made near-impossible by the late-nights I’ve had lately.

No good. This has got to change. I have slacked, but it’s time to re-focus and get myself back on track!

What is good: I have signed up for summer, adult-only karate classes which are two hours on Mondays and Thursday nights… tonight was the first night, it was NOT easy, and I got the impression from Sensei that they will only get more difficult as the summer progresses.

I will make it to every karate class that I possibly can.

I will attend a fitness class on Tuesday evenings.

I will cut the grass on Wednesday evenings.

If I am not doing the activity with my students on Fridays, I will attend and afternoon fitness class in the afternoons.

I still plan on running the 10K in October, so I will start running more… I suppose that will be my weekend activity.

No more slacking, I’ll never reach my goal if I do! Tisk, tisk…

The socks are being pulled up, promise!

Here’s a good song to keep me motivated:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFO-BvfRrOU

Living, and loving, out loud

“You know Grace, you really do live out loud” (meant—and taken—as a compliment).

A friend of mine (thanks J!) said this to me a couple of months ago—she had just finished reading one of my previous posts. I have been thinking about how I might address her observation in a post ever since. There’s so much that I want to say about ‘living out loud’ that it’s difficult to know where I should start.

When I was younger I would just say whatever came to mind with little-to-no concern for anyone who was listening; it wasn’t unusual for me to get into trouble, or to offend someone, or to inadvertently hurt someone’s feelings with what I said. There were times, I know, when I came across as a really rude bitch.

I’m sure there are still some times when I come across as a really rude bitch.

But I’m far more thoughtful and considerate now that I’m older, now that I have learned how to use a ‘ten second delay’ (yes, allowing myself ten seconds to really consider what I want to say instead of just blurting out whatever is on the top of my head).

Why have this blog? Why be so open about this crazy journey that I’m on? Why post it on the internet and then let people know about it on another social media website?

There are lots of reasons… but ultimately, it goes back to when I was child. I remember being asked what I wanted to be when I grew up and I answered “famous”. I didn’t know how I would achieve that fame, but that’s what I wanted. As I have been traveling though life, I have realized that I still want to be famous… it’s one of my life’s goals (that, and flying out to BC, buying an RV, and taking a summer driving it back to PEI while stopping and exploring this vast, beautiful, diverse country I live in).

Wait a second though… let me explain my definition of ‘famous’ before you “tisk tisk” loudly while rolling your eyes at me. I don’t want to be a movie star or a singer, I don’t want to write self-help books or become a columnist in a popular magazine—that is not the kind of fame that I am thinking of. It’s a different kind of fame that I have in mind.

When I die— and I am not planning on dying any time soon (I knock on wood as I type)— I want to be remembered and not as a really rude bitch. I want to be remembered as a woman who made an impact on the people around her, as a person who touched the lives of other people, as someone who did more good than bad. I don’t want to be famous across PEI, or across Canada, or around the world; I want to be famous in the hearts of the people I come in contact with.

I think it’s important for me to say “I love you” when I feel it— even if people are uncomfortable hearing it— because everyone should know that he/she is loved. I like that I can say things like “that’s not fair” or “you’re being mean” for someone who is unable to say it on his or her own. I think it’s necessary for me to make a mark (hopefully a positive one) on this world— I think it’s necessary for everyone to make a positive mark on this world. We have one life to live, so we might as well live it to the fullest that we can.

Sharing my weight-loss journey in such a public manner is impacting people around me: some people are considering starting their own journeys, others are continuing along on theirs as they identify with me on mine. I am imperfect, and sharing my weaknesses with others helps me stay grounded, it helps me realize that everyone stumbles, and it helps me appreciate my strengths.

I have never been a wallflower. To be completely honest, I really don’t know how to be a wallflower, nor do I want to be one (that being said though, I’m glad that I am able to express myself a little more ‘sophisticatedly’ now than I did when I was younger!).

I live, and love, out loud. If you don’t already, you should try it some time… it is amazing how incredible life is when you do!

Crank it up!: www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SKFwtgUJHs. Perfect. 

You getting slack, Grace?

Where is the time going? Geez… this is a late end-of-month update, and I am so, so, sorry for that. I woke up this morning and realized that it is the second of June. June the second. Wow, time is zipping by.

So, this is my month-end update, albeit slightly tardy (my apologies).

What’s up with the tardiness, Grace!?

I know. I’m sorry. It has been an action-packed month with loads happening, and time just slipped by without me even realizing it!

Okay, so what sort of action has your month been filled with?

So I have been trying to maintain my daily fitness routine, which is going fairly well… My Thursday afternoon fitness class is no longer being offered, so I’ve been working on re-adjusting my schedule. I’ve been cutting the grass on Thursdays (yes, it’s a push mower. Moreover, it’s got a bag too, so as the grass gets cut, I push more weight, which I can definitely feel in my legs.). I have been trying to attend a fitness class on Fridays too—I really like that I get cardio and aerobic exercises at the same time.

How’s the stationary bike?

It’s good! I’ve come to realize that I’m not so much a fan of the early morning fitness. As appealing as it is to get it over with early on, if I don’t have a good night’s sleep the night before or later that night, it really affects me. I feel bagged… and not getting enough sleep leads to making quick, less healthy choices when it comes to eating.

So, have you made some less healthy food choices?

I have made a few less healthy choices. I think that worse than making unhealthy choices though, is that I wasn’t actively making choices. Does that make sense? I need to pay attention to what I eat and drink because if I don’t pay attention, then I may not make the right choice… I eat a little more cheese than I should, or I skip a healthy snack for a less-healthy choice later in the day. Actively choosing what I am going to eat is something I must be diligent with.

So, how was your monthly meeting with your fitness/food guru?

Well our ‘monthly’ meeting became a 6-week meeting—nothing to do with her. I had initially misunderstood when we were supposed to meet, and then the following week a personal issue arose which made me have to reschedule the meeting. Ultimately though, I wasn’t as happy about the meeting as I wanted to be-- 4.4 pounds and another 6.5 inches from my body. The inches are great, but the weight-loss is too low for a 6-week period (I think). This goes back to my paying attention to what I am eating. I slacked off over the last two weeks and I think that it showed in my low numbers of weight-loss. Lesson learned. My next meeting will be far more positive!

 

How’s Karate going for you?

Phew. It is not an easy sport. Thankfully, I am a bit of a sponge, because there is just so many things to take in: foot positioning, where my knee is, how I step, how I punch, where I punch… so, so, so much work. Not to mention the ‘workout’ as well. Today, for example, while the kids’ class was on some of the adults had a workout—I had to run through the woods, barefoot. (Okay, so I didn’t HAVE to run barefoot, but I was only wearing flip flops which were not conducive to running at all.) I don’t know how long the distance was, but it took me a while and I was just so fucking frustrated with the whole thing. Not with the fact that I had to run. That didn’t bother me. I was so frustrated because it was such a struggle for me… I don’t know if my Sensei or if my running mates noticed at all, but I was crying at the end of the run. I was so completely torn by the end of it—on one hand I was so pissed off at myself because the run was so tough. I kept thinking to myself that if I didn’t allow myself to get out of shape in the first place, then it wouldn’t be so hard; however, the other side of me that was proud of the fact that I was doing the run at all. Good thing I’m such a stubborn bitch, crying at the end of a run isn’t going to stop me from going to karate class. It’ll get better. I hope.  

You’re weird.
I know. That’s why I love me. That’s why you love me too!

Any final thoughts? Anything else you want to share?
I’m dating someone… we’re ‘taking it slow’, but, man, he’s amazing, and he digs that I’m on this journey AND learning karate. That’s all I can say for now.

Also, I got inked. This is tattoo #2 for me (I got the first one forever ago). I love it. It wraps around my right wrist and it says 'perspective'... a tattoo I've been wanting to get for about a year or so. ‘Perspective’… gaining it, understanding it, understanding that every person has his or her own, is one of the most important lessons I’ve ever learned through life—learning that different people are going to have different opinions, see things differently because of what they ‘come to the table with’, their own experiences, baggage, etc, is something that everyone needs to work on. Yeah, so I got inked. I love it.