Tuesday, 5 June 2012

Living, and loving, out loud

“You know Grace, you really do live out loud” (meant—and taken—as a compliment).

A friend of mine (thanks J!) said this to me a couple of months ago—she had just finished reading one of my previous posts. I have been thinking about how I might address her observation in a post ever since. There’s so much that I want to say about ‘living out loud’ that it’s difficult to know where I should start.

When I was younger I would just say whatever came to mind with little-to-no concern for anyone who was listening; it wasn’t unusual for me to get into trouble, or to offend someone, or to inadvertently hurt someone’s feelings with what I said. There were times, I know, when I came across as a really rude bitch.

I’m sure there are still some times when I come across as a really rude bitch.

But I’m far more thoughtful and considerate now that I’m older, now that I have learned how to use a ‘ten second delay’ (yes, allowing myself ten seconds to really consider what I want to say instead of just blurting out whatever is on the top of my head).

Why have this blog? Why be so open about this crazy journey that I’m on? Why post it on the internet and then let people know about it on another social media website?

There are lots of reasons… but ultimately, it goes back to when I was child. I remember being asked what I wanted to be when I grew up and I answered “famous”. I didn’t know how I would achieve that fame, but that’s what I wanted. As I have been traveling though life, I have realized that I still want to be famous… it’s one of my life’s goals (that, and flying out to BC, buying an RV, and taking a summer driving it back to PEI while stopping and exploring this vast, beautiful, diverse country I live in).

Wait a second though… let me explain my definition of ‘famous’ before you “tisk tisk” loudly while rolling your eyes at me. I don’t want to be a movie star or a singer, I don’t want to write self-help books or become a columnist in a popular magazine—that is not the kind of fame that I am thinking of. It’s a different kind of fame that I have in mind.

When I die— and I am not planning on dying any time soon (I knock on wood as I type)— I want to be remembered and not as a really rude bitch. I want to be remembered as a woman who made an impact on the people around her, as a person who touched the lives of other people, as someone who did more good than bad. I don’t want to be famous across PEI, or across Canada, or around the world; I want to be famous in the hearts of the people I come in contact with.

I think it’s important for me to say “I love you” when I feel it— even if people are uncomfortable hearing it— because everyone should know that he/she is loved. I like that I can say things like “that’s not fair” or “you’re being mean” for someone who is unable to say it on his or her own. I think it’s necessary for me to make a mark (hopefully a positive one) on this world— I think it’s necessary for everyone to make a positive mark on this world. We have one life to live, so we might as well live it to the fullest that we can.

Sharing my weight-loss journey in such a public manner is impacting people around me: some people are considering starting their own journeys, others are continuing along on theirs as they identify with me on mine. I am imperfect, and sharing my weaknesses with others helps me stay grounded, it helps me realize that everyone stumbles, and it helps me appreciate my strengths.

I have never been a wallflower. To be completely honest, I really don’t know how to be a wallflower, nor do I want to be one (that being said though, I’m glad that I am able to express myself a little more ‘sophisticatedly’ now than I did when I was younger!).

I live, and love, out loud. If you don’t already, you should try it some time… it is amazing how incredible life is when you do!

Crank it up!: www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SKFwtgUJHs. Perfect. 

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