“You know Grace, you really
do live out loud” (meant—and taken—as a compliment).
A friend of mine (thanks J!) said
this to me a couple of months ago—she had just finished reading one of my previous posts. I have been thinking about how I might address her
observation in a post ever since. There’s so much that I want to say about ‘living
out loud’ that it’s difficult to know where I should start.
When I was younger I would
just say whatever came to mind with little-to-no concern for anyone who was
listening; it wasn’t unusual for me to get into trouble, or to offend someone,
or to inadvertently hurt someone’s feelings with what I said. There were times, I know, when I
came across as a really rude bitch.
I’m sure there are still some times when I come across as a
really rude bitch.
But I’m far more
thoughtful and considerate now that I’m older, now that I have learned how to
use a ‘ten second delay’ (yes, allowing myself ten seconds to really consider
what I want to say instead of just blurting out whatever is on the top of my
head).
Why have this blog?
Why be so open about this crazy journey that I’m on? Why post it on the
internet and then let people know about it on another social media website?
There are lots of
reasons… but ultimately, it goes back to when I was child. I remember being
asked what I wanted to be when I grew up and I answered “famous”. I didn’t know
how I would achieve that fame, but that’s what I wanted. As I have been
traveling though life, I have realized that I still want to be famous… it’s one
of my life’s goals (that, and flying out to BC, buying an RV, and taking a
summer driving it back to PEI while stopping and exploring this vast,
beautiful, diverse country I live in).
Wait a second though…
let me explain my definition of ‘famous’ before you “tisk tisk” loudly while rolling
your eyes at me. I don’t want to be a movie star or a singer, I don’t want to
write self-help books or become a columnist in a popular magazine—that is not
the kind of fame that I am thinking of. It’s a different kind of fame that I
have in mind.
When I die— and I am
not planning on dying any time soon (I knock on wood as I type)— I want to be
remembered and not as a really rude bitch. I want to be remembered as a woman who made an impact on
the people around her, as a person who touched the lives of other people, as someone who did more good than bad. I don’t want to be famous across PEI, or
across Canada, or around the world; I want to be famous in the hearts of the
people I come in contact with.
I think it’s important
for me to say “I love you” when I feel it— even if people are uncomfortable
hearing it— because everyone should know that he/she is loved. I like that I can
say things like “that’s not fair” or “you’re being mean” for someone who is
unable to say it on his or her own. I think it’s necessary for me to make a
mark (hopefully a positive one) on this world— I think it’s necessary for
everyone to make a positive mark on this world. We have one life to live, so we
might as well live it to the fullest that we can.
Sharing my weight-loss
journey in such a public manner is impacting people around me: some people are
considering starting their own journeys, others are continuing along on theirs
as they identify with me on mine. I am imperfect, and sharing my weaknesses
with others helps me stay grounded, it helps me realize that everyone stumbles,
and it helps me appreciate my strengths.
I have never been a
wallflower. To be completely honest, I really don’t know how to be a
wallflower, nor do I want to be one (that being said though, I’m glad that I am able to express
myself a little more ‘sophisticatedly’ now than I did when I was younger!).
I live, and love, out
loud. If you don’t already, you should try it some time… it is amazing how incredible life is when you do!
Crank it up!: www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SKFwtgUJHs. Perfect.
Crank it up!: www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SKFwtgUJHs. Perfect.
No comments:
Post a Comment