Goodbye March!

It’s time for our end-of-month check-in with Grace! 

How you doing, Grace? 

In which sense: physically, emotionally, spiritually…? 

Well, since this is a blog about your lifestyle change, I suppose all of them. 

Oh. Really? Well, if I am to be completely honest, I would have to say that March has been a difficult month for me (and many of the people I hold dearest in my life). Let me preface by saying that historically March has always been my least favourite month of the year. My son’s birthday is in March, as are my brother’s and nephew’s birthdays, but aside from the joy that those days bring (which is a lot, of course) overall, I can’t stand the month. I get sick of winter, the school term starts dragging; the weather is too unpredictable; mud. It’s all so blech.

This March was exceptionally terrible as I (and others) have been dealing with a traumatic event that is far too unfathomable for words (thus the lack of posts by me over the last couple of weeks—see March 20 entry for more details). Over the last couple of weeks I have definitely missed some exercise times, I have had some late-night telephone calls, I’ve consumed my fair share of beer, there was the donut incident, and, of course, sex with my ex. I feel, though, that (for me) the worst is passed and I’m starting to get myself back on track with everything.

I am so fucking glad that March is over.

So, do you think you need/want to change anything? 

Aside from getting back on track, no, I don’t. I know that I was out of my routine over the last two weeks, but that stems from a highly unusual circumstance which, well, to be honest, I handled much better than I would have five months ago. 

Moving on then, what did you learn this month in regards to food or fitness? 

I learned that I have been lying to everyone for the last few months! 

LYING?! WHAT? 

Okay, okay, I haven’t actually been lying. Let me explain…

Did you know that there’s a difference between a nutritionist and a dietician?

No, aren’t they the same thing… just a different word? 

That’s exactly what I thought all this time! But you know what? They are NOT the same thing at all! My ‘nutritionist’ told me that she isn’t actually a nutritionist; she’s a dietician!

“WHAT?!” says I.

“Yeah, I’m not a nutritionist, I’m a dietician,” she says.

“There’s a difference?!” I say, puzzlingly.

“Yeah,” she says as she points to the framed degrees on her wall, “those.”

“So, what does that mean though?” I ask.

“Well, the major difference is that I work with health care professionals, like doctors. Although many nutritionists understand food and eating habits quite well, I have a broader knowledge of how food interacts with the body, and how various health ‘issues’ could be impacted or influenced by the foods that are eaten.” She continues, “the difference between a nutritionist and a dietician is kind of like the difference between an LPN and an RN. LPNs have less required education, less training, and less responsibility than RNs.”

“Oh,” I say. “So why didn’t you tell me earlier?! I’ve been posting that you’re a nutritionist all this time! You should have corrected me!”

“Well, because I don’t want to be one of those ‘I’m a dietician, not a nutritionist’ kind of people, plus, I knew it would come up some time,” she replies. 

So no, I haven’t been lying. I have been unintentionally misinforming you, but I blame it on my nutritionist… er, I mean, my dietician.

We then had a really interesting conversation about the differences between the rules and regulations that nutritionists and dieticians have to follow. Dieticians have rules and regulations which are similar to those that doctors have to follow, whereas nutritionists have far vaguer rules and regulations that they have to follow. The differences are quite significant, but like my dietician, I don’t want to ‘poopoo’ nutritionists as I am sure there are some really great ones out there. That being said, anyone who is considering getting help with eating and/or diet, be sure you ask a lot of questions before you decide on who to work with (you could start here: www.dietitians.ca).

Oh! Here's a story: so on Friday (March 30) my dietician (who is also a counselor and a personal fitness trainer, but NOT a nutritionist) asked me why I didn't go swimming or to my fitness class on Sunday (March 25) when I had promised her that I would go. I didn't have an answer for her--I had no reason to break my promise to her. So you know what she made me do?! She took me over to the gym and had me do ten squats and ten push-ups, five times in a row! Yup, fifty squats and fifty push-ups!

Hahahaha! So, how do you feel about her now?! 

I love her even more! She doesn't let me get away with anything.

Oh... kay... so, can we expect anything different this month? 

No broken promises. Less mud. Less tears. No sex with my ex (promise!). More sunshine. More flowers. More gratitude. Growth. Hugs from an angel. 

Okay then… any final thoughts? 

Bring it, April… I am so ready for you.

I’m gonna crank House of Pain’s “Jump Around”, dance like a mofo, and let March kiss my ass goodbye! (Care to join me?)

And so the journey continues…

Music to keep me motivated

Good music while exercising helps keep me motivated. These are some of my current favourites (in alphabetical order according to performer):

AC/DC – Thunderstruck

Arcade Fire – Ready to Start

Arcade Fire – Wake Up

Beastie Boys – Sabotage

Beck – Loser

Beyonce – Run the World

Beyonce – Get Me Bodied

Black Eyed Peas – Let's get it Started

Donna Summer – She Works Hard for the Money

Eminem – Lose Yourself

Florence and the Machine – Dog Days Are Over

Gorillaz – Clint Eastwood

Gorillaz – Feel Good Inc.

House of Pain – Jump Around

Jackson 5 – Dancing Machine

James Brown – Get Up Offa That Thing

Jet – Are You Gonna Be My Girl

Justin Timberlake – Sexy Back

Kelly Clarkson – Since You Been Gone

Lady Gaga – Edge of Glory

LL Cool J – Mama Said Knock You Out

Metallica – Enter Sandman

Outkast – Hey Ya

Queen – Another One Bites the Dust

Rolling Stones – Paint it Black

Rolling Stones – Start Me Up

The Clash – Should I Stay or Should I Go

The White Stripes – Seven Nation Army

U2 – Beautiful Day

Two donuts and sex with the ex

I know, I know, I haven’t posted in a while. I have been processing…

Last week was a very unusual and eventful week for me. I received some traumatic news around mid-week (which I am not at liberty to speak of here as it is not my news; however, it affects me greatly (indirectly) because someone I love and care for dearly is affected in an even greater way.) This is what happened last Wednesday:

1. I didn’t have a good day at work.
2. I received an email which contained some traumatic news.
3. I cried at work.
4. I texted my ex boyfriend and told him the traumatic news.
5. My ex then phoned me to inquire about my feelings.
6. I cried at work some more (a couple of people had obviously seen me, however I told them I was fine and didn’t want to talk about anything. I’m sure they thought I was upset because of my bad work day).
7. I went to the office where I was told that my walking partner was unable to walk with me that afternoon.
8. I went to my car.
9. I called my ex and asked if I could come over for a bit (he said yes).
10. I called him back and asked if he wanted me to bring anything with me (he requested a latte from a local coffee shop).
11. I went through the drive thru, ordered a latte for him, a medium coffee with two cream for me, and two donuts.
12. In the time it took me to drive from the drive-thru to the ex’s place (less than a five-minute drive), I had eaten the two donuts.
13. Got to the ex’s place. Hugged, cried, drank some coffee, crawled into bed, had sex, cried more, eventually left and went about the rest of my evening as best I could while I awaited contact from the person who had told me the traumatic news.

Yes. Two donuts and sex with the ex. Really, Grace?! Yes. Really.

If nothing else, my ex and I always had great sex, so I’m not too upset with myself about that (and yes, we’re still ex’s, and no, we’re not getting back together).

 The donuts, though, well they were a different story.

So when I went to my nutritionist of course I told her about my Wednesday—I bawled (literally) in her office. My crying was because of two things: 1) I was obviously still processing the traumatic news, and 2) I was so very frustrated with myself for instantly seeking out some of my ‘old’ comforts when ‘dealing’ with a traumatic event.

This is why I love my nutritionist (who is also a personal trainer and clearly, now, a ‘counselor’). She wasn’t upset or angry with me, nor was she even disappointed with me… she helped me gain perspective.

As she pointed out, I have been with her for three months, and despite the struggles I have with food, for the most part I am doing a good job with what and how I am eating. What happened on Wednesday was such an exceptional experience that it isn’t completely unusual for me to seek out that which comforts me.

I told my nutritionist that when ordering and subsequently eating the donuts I didn’t even really think about it—I didn’t think “oh, this is not a part of my lifestyle change and I shouldn’t eat them” and then ate them anyway. My nutritionist said that, of course, I should try to avoid eating donuts (she and I both feel that had I gone for my walk instead of calling my ex I probably would have), however, she feels it isn’t all bad that I was unaware of what I was doing. She thinks that had I struggled with ‘to eat or not to eat’ and not listened to my inner voice but instead chose to buy and eat the donuts it would have been worse. But on Wednesday, I didn’t have an inner voice… which is the first time in three months since starting my lifestyle journey… I didn’t have an inner voice because I was consumed with the news of the traumatic event (a rarity) rather than focusing on myself.

She’s right. She’s always right.

Here it is, almost a week later. I don’t regret eating the donuts. Nor do I regret having sex with my ex. In the scheme of things, those are trivial, really. What happened has happened, and well, sex and donuts are how I deal with trauma.

Today and every day, I count my blessings and am thankful for everything and everyone that I am surrounded by (both near and far), including a special angel who will forever be a part of my life. I love you Malak.

Never again...

It was Ivan's birthday on March 7th, so to celebrate he had a sleep-over birthday party on Saturday. (Yes, I did eat a piece of birthday cake --no worries, my nutritionist knows about it!). I didn't go to fitness class on Sunday because the kiddies were still at the house during the time of the class.

I had fitness class on Thursday, then did no real form of exercise again until today, Monday... the '3&3's were a horrible torture! 

Never again will I go for three days without exercising. It's just too long of a break. I have learned my lesson.

March is my least favourite month...

... it is just so grey and dull and yuck. So I decided to change my blog to make it look a little more cheerful! Hope you like it.

Secret Spies

Sometimes when I am at the Stratford Oval doing my '3&3s' (walking three laps around the oval alternating with running up and down the stairs three times), I pretend there are spies watching me... The spies are strangers who read my blog or work for my nutritionist (also a personal trainer), and are at the Oval every Monday and Wednesday to make sure that I am actually going to the gym and doing my '3&3s'. It's a weird motivator for me.

Crazy? Possibly.

But not as crazy as this video:

Click here: "Somebody's Watching Me"

Rhetorical rephrase

So my nutritionist (who watches me “like a hawk”) called me out on something I said in my last blog: “I haven’t lost a load of weight to-date (about 11 pounds). That doesn’t bother me because I know I’m trading in my fat for muscle.” When she read that in the post, she thought that perhaps I wasn’t fully appreciating all that I have been able to accomplish.

I think she’s right (she ALWAYS is!).

Although my lifestyle journey began on January 1, it didn’t actually start with her for another two weeks (that was my ‘official’ weigh-in). In the time that I have been with her I have been able to lose 11 pounds, which, really, is a great accomplishment. Rather than using rhetoric that sounds somewhat negative (“...haven't lost a load of weight”), I should use language that really reflects how I am feeling in regards to all that I have been able to do in a relatively short amount of time.

So, to rephrase: I am really excited to announce that I have been able to lose 11 pounds! Additionally, that is MORE than 10% of my weight-loss goal! YAY ME! My clothes are looser, my muscles are stronger, my eating and sleeping habits are so much better than they were just a few months ago. So many positive changes! 

Really, I am very pleased with myself—and thanks to a little prodding from my nutritionist—I will make sure that I choose words which really reflect how I am feeling.

Finally: For any of you who are on your own journeys, I hope that you are reaping the benefits and staying positive about your own accomplishments too!